2 lives

Sometimes I feel live 2 completely different lives between my awake and my sleep time. 

During my sleep, and especially when I sleep for more than 8 hours, I always dream of you, and it is always the same narrative, that you went through a near death episode, but alive and kicking now and all of us are doing a better job at taking care of you. 

And the reason I say it is a separate life is because it is really convincing. During the time I'm asleep, that life where you are alive feels absolutely real. The rest of the story changes, but the backdrop is always the same. 

The story this time was all of us going on a trip where we have a guide taking us around a park for a tour. Must have been inspired by this movie "A Real Pain" that I watched, which already reminded me of you. 

The park looked really pretty and I got lost for a moment and had to run and catch up with you guys. And when you guys noticed I was missing, you stopped for a break and you were having a smoke with Noel. When I met you, I tell you that this is your last smoke for the day, and you agreed. 

You sniggered with Noel after that, but at least you humored me a bit. It's still way better than hiding your entire depression from me and leaving me during this awake life. 

Anyway, I hardly dream that much anymore as I sleep just about 7 hours with Neo finding some way to trouble me almost every night. If it is not him, there is some work stress, or I exercised too much. There is just something almost every night.

But the few nights like this, when I have managed to get enough rest, I visit this other life, where you are still my best friend, and you are even listening to me, even if it just a little bit. 

Miss you Bala. Always. 

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